A Continuous Journey to Self Confidence
From shaking in University speech class to owning the spin podium and my own business
One of the most frequent questions I get that truly shocks me-how are you so confident? Now I realize from the outside-I own a business. I teach spin and yell like a maniac at complete strangers. Of course I am confident!
While this statement may be (somewhat) true now…saying that it was a JOURNEY to get to this point (with a lot of work to still be done) is a complete understatement.
Let’s Go Back….Back to the Beginning:
Now when I say back to the beginning, I really mean the VERY beginning. As a child, I was uber confident and assertive-to the point where it was an issue in my preschool. When I was two, my parents picked me up from my first day of daycare to find me with a paper crown that said “General Megan”. Apparently I had all of my “employees” marching around the classroom and directed the entire day.
As I got older, I thankfully learned a BIT of social intelligence but always needed to be the superstar. I participated in every talent show belting out every Britney song under the sun, participated in sports and excelled in academics. It was never enough and from a young age I pushed and pushed myself, always setting the highest of expectations.
A Turning Point
As I progressed into middle school, I now looking back realize I was struggling with changing dynamics in my home life that included all of my friends and the school knowing what issues my family was going through.
My identity of being the perfect, Britney singing, straight A student was shattered and it was no secret that neither me or my family was perfect. I did not have the tools to “reinvent” myself and became extremely critical of myself in all aspects. On top of starting over at a new school in seventh grade, I was bullied beyond belief (it is no secret that sometimes middle school girls are just not that nice).
As I progressed into high school, I officially shed my straight A image to now be the fun party girl. With this came a slew of the typical “bad” high school behaviour that eventually landed me with being grounded for months on end (hi mom, I love you, I am sorry, haha).
A Fresh Shanghai Start
One August day I received a very unexpected proposal from my dad: I am moving to Shanghai and I think you should come.
HAAAA. No way. I have lived in Florida my whole life. My friends are here. I was on track to live in Orlando forever. I had never even been to Asia?!?! Here was my dad again with the crazy ideas.
But as a few days crept on…I began to realize, what did I REALLY have to lose? So just a couple of weeks later I packed my things and did something crazy-I moved to China.
The best decision I have ever made-move somewhere completely new where you are FULLY out of your comfort zone.
Finding Myself Again
As I progressed in China I began to feel it…a transformation. Through being forced into starting something new, immersing myself into a new country and culture, needing to be outgoing to make new friends and the happiness of reconnecting with my dad I was finding myself again. Now I know what you are thinking, do I really need to move to China to gain confidence?! The answer is not exactly BUT, when you remove yourself from your comfortable and cushy environments you will experience extreme growth.
Old Issues Arise
Following a very healing and growing nearly two years in Shanghai, I headed back to Florida to begin University at Florida State. Now here I was again, surrounded by my old environments and in a town with 40,000 college kids. I was no longer the anomaly from Florida who moved to Asia out of nowhere.
While I struggled a bit internally, I continued to immerse myself back into the party and sorority scene, which I truly have no regrets about. I continuously put myself out there making new friends and was always the one to offer to host the pregame and plan the party. I loved connecting people-a skill that has made my business successful to this day and gave me extreme confidence.
While socially I was soaring, I struggled with imposter syndrome in my academics. I again found myself being a straight A student yet would SHAKE whenever I had to speak up in class. I found myself feeling not worthy of my grades and the old feelings of it never being enough were back and raging.
A Move to Another New Country Strikes Again
As I felt myself backsliding in my confidence, I caught the urge again. It was time to shake things up and immerse myself in a new environment.
Following my graduation, I found myself at the front desk of one of the largest hotels in North America, Fairmont Royal York (more on this entire journey soon). I truly felt like I knew NOTHING and I was drowning. Like legit, drowning-there is a letter in my file somewhere saying that if I made one more mistake I would be fired.
As much as I did not want to-I kept showing up. I pushed my way through departments until I eventually landed in an area I would grow to love and excel in-public relations and marketing. I was thriving and again, felt like the Britney Spears talent show child superstar. I pushed myself over and over again and devoted almost all of my free time to learning more about the job and becoming part of the Toronto “scene”.
Now, we are in March 2020 and I was thinking-what really could go wrong?! *Cue the most unprecedented time in history*.
And just like that, my confidence was shattered again.
Letting Go of Another Megan Identity
After one of the most rewarding and informative years of my life, I made a few very difficult decisions. I wasn’t happy and it was time to literally blow up my old life.
I removed myself from both my professional and personal environments that I found comfort in to take a risk-start my own business.
The first few months were TOUGH. I heavily attached my identity to being “the Fairmont girl” and struggled to find boundaries with clients and had my personal life in turmoil.
Now nearly one year later, I can confidently say that every struggle over the last year has made me a more confident person. Sometimes I really cannot even believe it. Little Megan walking into meetings and closing deals?! Little Megan selling herself and her own business on her own terms?! Little Megan teaching a spin class and NOT throwing up before (lol truly I used to shake and nearly throw up before each class)?!
In Summary…Here Are The Tips:
In order to gain confidence, you need to do things that make you VERY uncomfortable. Eventually the uncomfortable things get comfortable and you then can continue to take on even more challenges.
If you are not happy, you are in control of your own life. You are one decision away from changing your entire life and if I can start my own business with little to no knowledge, ANYONE can.
Surround yourself with empowering people who believe in you. You are your surroundings and thanks to a few great friends (and a very lively group chat with two of them) I know I have people always rooting for me.
Stop being so damn mean to yourself. Seriously, count how many times you say something negative about yourself to yourself. Change the narrative in your head and you will be amazed what comes out on the exterior.
Like I mentioned, I am by no means fully confident and know that I still have a lot of internal work to do. It has been a journey but I am looking forward to continuing to progress myself and am so grateful for all of the positive people I have met along the way.
Xoxo,
Megan
